To Do:

This list goes on and on,

TO DO:

Schoolwork,

Homework,

Clean,

Think,

Create,

All on demand.

Line after line after line tells me what to do

How to live my life

Somehow, it calms me.

Makes the heart slow and the breathing deep

As I try not to panic in class

Or in the car

Or at home by myself

I’m never going to finish the list in a day.

No, really, it goes on and on.

Organized into categories of importance and type of obligation

Set up so I can see the most important stuff first.

Pay this, do that, make sure you don’t forget anything

All of this rests on you. All of this is for you to accomplish.

I can’t possibly finish it all, but I try.

Each check mark is another breath,

Each crossed out item is a heartbeat less painful;

When I can’t stop tapping or thinking or obsessing,

The list calms me.

All of this is all you have to do.

Did I forget something?

Think again. Remember.

Train the brain to listen to your calls, no one else’s.

Grocery shop

Find a job

Write more often

Try to earn from your creativity

The things it wants of me are hard.

But what life would I be living if it was easy?

What kind of person would I be?

The kind who walks around without a list,

Without a care,

Without the dedication of who I am.

Without the love for others, without my compassion.

Without the understanding

Without the ability to walk in the shoes of others.

I wouldn’t like me.

So I write the lists, staving off my panic.

Making sure I will be alright.

Because, at some point,

I will be okay.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s