This list goes on and on,
All on demand.
Line after line after line tells me what to do
How to live my life
Somehow, it calms me.
Makes the heart slow and the breathing deep
As I try not to panic in class
Or in the car
Or at home by myself
I’m never going to finish the list in a day.
No, really, it goes on and on.
Organized into categories of importance and type of obligation
Set up so I can see the most important stuff first.
Pay this, do that, make sure you don’t forget anything
All of this rests on you. All of this is for you to accomplish.
I can’t possibly finish it all, but I try.
Each check mark is another breath,
Each crossed out item is a heartbeat less painful;
When I can’t stop tapping or thinking or obsessing,
The list calms me.
All of this is all you have to do.
Did I forget something?
Think again. Remember.
Train the brain to listen to your calls, no one else’s.
Find a job
Write more often
Try to earn from your creativity
The things it wants of me are hard.
But what life would I be living if it was easy?
What kind of person would I be?
The kind who walks around without a list,
Without a care,
Without the dedication of who I am.
Without the love for others, without my compassion.
Without the understanding
Without the ability to walk in the shoes of others.
I wouldn’t like me.
So I write the lists, staving off my panic.
Making sure I will be alright.
Because, at some point,
I will be okay.